Doula

A few days ago, we met with a doula. What is a doula, you ask? Okay, maybe you didn't ask, but I did. As it turns out, there is a whole profession (non-medical) dedicated to assisting couples in preparing for and carrying out the birthing process. I understand that there are endless tasks and responsibilities that a doula might provide, so please don't start posting your smarty-pants comments telling me that I clearly don't understand what a doula really does. I already know this, and I don't need the internet to empower people to tell me about it. Basically, what this doula is going to do for us (as far as I can tell) is be a mediator between the doctors and us during the delivery process. We are working on a birth plan (another new term for me), and the doula's role is to help us to execute the plan that we set in place.

I'm realize how little I know or understand. Having friends with kids has done nothing to prepare me for all of this. It's almost like we are the first people in the history of civilization to ever have a kid. Does parenthood come with a bonus supply of narcissism?

Speaking of knowing nothing, we had a real scare last week. We were going to the U2 concert in Arlington. I had heard that parking was ridiculously expensive at the new Cowboys Stadium, so I had been trying to figure out how to save a little money. On the day of the show, I heard about this really cheap parking area where you had to reserve your space in advance. So, I went online, and I reserved us a parking space for a third of the price that was being charged at the stadium. However, when we arrived at our pre-paid parking spot, we realized it was over a mile away from the stadium. Of course, my mind does not immediately think, "My wife is pregnant. I need a new plan." Instead, I thought, "We've walked farther than this before. We once walked halfway up the island of Manhattan! We can make it a mile." This was a mistake.

We made the walk, and Caroline was a champ the whole time. I know she was uncomfortable, but she held it together. As soon as we finally arrived at the stadium, I needed to find a restroom. When I rejoined my wife, she had a look of panic like I have never seen before. "Something's wrong," she said.

I'd like to think that I am calm under pressure, but I panicked. I froze. I had no idea what to do. She called her mom, who offered to come to the stadium to pick us up to take us to the emergency room. We left the stadium as the lights were going down and the opening band was beginning to play.

As we were standing on the corner anxiously waiting for my in-laws to find us, I heard someone near me utter under his breath, "Anybody got tickets?"

I'm not proud of this part, but I immediately realized that I could probably sell these U2 tickets and maybe make a little bit of money. Caroline was on the phone with her dad. I tried to be cool. I looked back at the roaming scalper and flashed him my tickets as if to say, "Excuse me. My wife's internal organs may be shutting down right now, but is there any way you could give me twenty bucks for these tickets? I'm not going to use them." We conducted our business quickly, and soon after, my father-in-law's car appeared.

We went directly to Arlington Memorial Hospital. As it turns out, the way to skip the line in a crowded ER is to simply say to the nurse, "Excuse me, my wife is pregnant, and we think something may be wrong." We didn't even get a chance to sit down. They instantly whisked us to the maternity ward.

After a few hours of tests, it was determined that everything was fine. Everyone has deducted that the symptoms of problems were directly a result of the hike from our parking space to the stadium. If this is true, it is perhaps the greatest of ironies. In my attempt to save a few bucks on parking, I lost almost the entire value of two U2 concert tickets.

My bad.

I'll bet the doula would have had some very harsh words for me.

Just so you know the end of the whole story, everything is perfectly fine. Caroline is healthy. The baby is healthy. We even went to Oklahoma City (Norman, really) to see U2 a few nights later. I actually got better and cheaper seats at this show than I had at the one in Arlington.



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U2 Setlist from October 18, 2009 in Norman, OK:

Breathe
Get On Your Boots
Magnificent
Mysterious Ways
Beautiful Day
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For/Stand By Me
Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of
No Line On The Horizon
Elevation
In A Little While
Unknown Caller
Until the End of the World
The Unforgettable Fire
City of Blinding Lights
Vertigo
I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight
Sunday Bloody Sunday
MLK
Walk On

(Encore #1)
One
Where the Streets Have No Names

(Encore #2)
Ultraviolet (Light My Way)
With or Without You
Moment of Surrender